News beat: Tuesday

Puerto Rico is $72 billion in debt, that’s over $200k per drunken barefoot clown in a country future US state whose main occupations are insurance fraud and plaintain picking and threatens to throw a monkey wrench in our economy.

Yet somehow this isn’t offensive, so feel free to fly this flag in your yard, on your car, or if you’re like me on your t-shirt while walking around sans pants.

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In other news, THE DONGER reports that Emily Ratajkowski has discovered the selfie.

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We applaud Emily for not resting on her already impressive body of work.

6 thoughts on “News beat: Tuesday

  1. I would drink that entire bottle of nail polish remover if she would let me gently touch her belly button and say “ding dong”

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