The nuclear option

Police were called.

A woman has reported a man to the police for farting in her apartment after she did not want to have sex with him.

It may not be seen as the most mature way of blowing off steam, but one Swede apparently chose to use flatulence as “revenge” on a woman who refused to have sex with him.

It reported that the pair had discussed having sex, but when the woman declined, her male acquaintance left in a huff – literally.

Before he exited the apartment he let rip a big one, wrote the daily.

They were happy once.

in happier times

The was allegedly of such a nature that it ‘disturbed the woman’s piece of mind’.

‘It smelled very bad in my flat,’ she wrote in her report to police.

I can’t speak to emotionally charged farting, but brother I can tell you it’s over when you find yourself gazing out the window with dead eyes and farting like she’s not there.

18 thoughts on “The nuclear option

  1. this is turning into a Dear Abby thing for middle aged guys.

    Dear Admin…or….Dear Addy,

    Is it over when SHE Dutch Ovens me??

    signed,
    Choking in Cheasapeake

  2. By this standard I am a battered husband. Mrs. Burgundy lives off a diet of raw kale, chia seeds, lentils, and probiotics. I only bang her in the morning now because by the end of the day her ass smells like somebody forgot their Indian takeout in a cab at LaGuardia.

  3. This guy has no skills. He should have stayed and cuddled and watched some chick show with her, maybe soften her up for a second pass. The whole time he should have been feeding her dog cheese, sausage and peas. Let it all work itself out later. In these modern times, there’s no need to be in the room when it all goes off.

    That pic is rank, admin.

  4. gives new meaning to the Dutch oven. Swedish oven-clear out the whole apartment. What combination of food and alcohol can cause you to be able to do that?

  5. Paul Simon had 50 ways to leave a lover, till the wife beat the hell out of him. I’ve never maintained any kind of relationship with a woman I’ve dated, married, or- actually I don’t have any friends that are women, except my wife and that’s for another post. there are 3 ways to finalize a relationship with a woman, and this swede isn’t even close. Pay attention:

    1) The Upper Tanker.
    Spur of the moment move, best if she lives in an apartment.
    Right before you cut bait, take the top of the shitbox, take dump in the upper tank, replace top. Will begin to smell bad immediately, after a couple of days, her neighbors will call the police. It’s truly awful, and cleaning it, forget about it.

    2) The Dry Dock
    If she owns a house and doesn’t know shit about plumbing.
    Flush toilet, turn off water. Drop a load. Most women don’t know how to turn on the water to the toilet. Bonus points for removing couplet so she can’t turn water back on. Beyond foul.

    3) The London Fog
    Best if you break up with her in a hotel. Step 1, execute dry dock (see 2). Turn on shower, water as hot as possible. Needs 3-4 hours to percolate. Helps to stuff towels or preferably her clothing under door. When the little princess opens the door…it’s truly amazing. It’s like Larry Holmes hitting you in the face with his fist while holding Chris Christie’s underpants after an overnight flight.

    1. Epic!!

      Jack you have out done yourself again with cruel humor.

      I wondered how long it would take for someone to suggest the Upper Tank.

  6. Just in awe. My brother and I cannot breath, Jack. Everybody in the bar is looking at us like we’ve gone mad.
    Bravo

  7. Brilliant. Playing with your shit is the way to get even with a woman.
    That’ll teach her to fuck with The Jackoff.

  8. Here I sit, broken hearted
    Came to get laid but then only farted.
    Wasted my time, but what the hell,
    At least I can sit, and enjoy the smell.

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