RIP: Alan Thicke

Take a sudden and final report, Alan Thicke, you suave son of a bitch.

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Alan masterfully parlayed his role as dad in 80s sitcom Growing Pains into … I’m not really sure what, but he managed to bring a certain gravitas to his paid celebrity appearances, which is no small feat. Just think of how sad and out of place Gilligan would look at supermarket openings or reunion shows, while Thicke could pop up at an Onion Harvest Festival in Tucson and be treated like a homecoming king by throngs of adoring farmers.

Maybe playing ice hockey with teenagers when you’re 70 isn’t such a good idea, but one of his offspring did his old man proud by launching Emily Ratajkowski’s career into orbit.

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And yet with all that, his final tweet was pathetic – a shout out to Fuller House 2. Don’t forget, Saget and Thicke were once blood competitors for both ratings and tail before the years made them two old marshmellows.

Still no word from Thick Joe.

NYPD beat: stripped of his gun and badge

A Bronx cop was stripped of his gun and badge amid allegations that he was drunk on the job Thursday — and as a photo emerged of him passed out in the stationhouse locker room with his beer belly exposed,

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Last year, Evans criticized longtime PBA President Pat Lynch for spending $13,000 in union funds on pricey steak dinners.

“I live paycheck to paycheck,” he griped.

As far as dishonors go getting stripped of your gun and badge is right there with getting played for a chump by a scheming porterhouse. Tough stuff. Straighten up and fly right, Sarge!

Yuletide beat: Fat n’ famous

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“When he got done, he said, ‘Lay off the hamburgers and french fries’ and that really just disrespected me, and I felt awful.”

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Mayse said he felt so awful, in fact, that as soon as he got a few feet away from the bad Santa he burst into tears.

As the night wore on, the child told the station, his world continued to unravel.

“It affected me so bad that I was crying until I went to bed that night,” he added. “And I want to say to him, ‘You don’t want to disrespect a 9-year-old. Even though what shape and size you are, it doesn’t matter.’

In a final act of mic-dropping, body-affirming defiance, he even tore up the photo he took with the Kris Kringle-turned-Krampus.

This kid is way too fluent in victim talk.

He needs to know you don’t weep in the face of danger, nope, you fight back.

You stand your ground.