RIP, Oliva Nova: Crammed a lifetime of D in her 20 short years

Sad to announce the passing of two-time All-Jergens porn star, Olivia Nova.

Directors respected her for being upfront about her stats and her wont’s.

Christmas can a lonely time for porn stars – because, let’s be frank, porn stars and family gatherings don’t mix – particularly at their own.

Wishing I reached out to her over Christmas. The lonely always send nudes.

Really dropped the ball on that.

Ever the professional, she looked good – but older than 20. More like 30. The D will age a gal.

Even though I never heard of her, I will miss Olivia now that she’s gone because she was hot.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Olivia, and take this final farewell report.

Bleach that sauseetch

Brace yourself because we’re about to go deeper than a visit to Dr. Melfi’s couch.

My Sicilian grandma didn’t just leave me with fond memories of her pasta fazoo; nope, her lineage that duskied mi dong. I swear it’s like she winks at me every time I catch a glimpse of my swarthy humble hawg.

But there’s great news. Now I can recolor my meat wand to a pinkish hue, one that women crave and men admire.

Celebrity endorsed.

Can’t wait to show the porterhouse.

TDT Newsdesk: Breaking … RIP, Shyla Stylez

Highly prized clam takes a final report.

Take it away, anchorman…

Shyla’s vital stats…

• Shyla appeared in her first film Slap Happy in 2000 at the age of 19.

• Nominated at the 2009 XRCO Awards for the Best Cumback.

• Shyla Stylez was inducted into the Hall of Fame of the Urban X Awards in 2011.

No star shines brighter than a drug dealer at an Urban X Awards after party.

Shyla had big cans.

The cumback is over.

We’re all just a glitch away

This Luke Moore guy could teach us all a thing or two about life.

A debt-ridden student blew $1.3 million on sports cars, speed boats, strippers and cocaine after a bank error gave him an unlimited overdraft. Luke Moore lived the high life for two years before he was caught by cops and jailed on fraud charges.

The Australian treated himself to luxury holidays, an Aston Martin, a Maserati and a boat while living the ultimate bachelor lifestyle.

He is now broke and living with his mother in Goulburn, New South Wales, ironically while studying to become a criminal lawyer.

This isn’t to say Mr. Moore didn’t come away from this experience a wiser man.

…he told the Daily Telegraph he did not miss his lavish multimillionaire lifestyle “besides the cocaine, the strippers and fast cars.

I certainly wouldn’t either.

Cheers to Mr. Moore.