Scare Bear Air

Traditionally the worst porn site in the world is the one you’re on when you when the deal has been closed. Report taken. St. Helen mounted and coned. St. Elmo fired. Can’t GTFO fast enough.

Still, some sites are better than others. Before an untimely death at sea, Captain Stabbin’ was known for dedication to his craft and a rigid adherence to the nautical buttstab story line.

aye aye

And then there’s SexyFlightCrew. Never before has a website gone to such lengths to do so little with so grand a theme.

Now boarding.

Prepare for takeoff.

“This is your captain speaking. We are lost somewhere off coast of Bermuda.”

Flight 6969 was never seen again.

Stay safe.

Everybody is giving this guy shit for letting it all hang out

It’s only Tuesday, yet it’s already been a banner week for NYC’s outer boroughs. Yesterday had a Bronx lady shaving on a train and a Staten Island girl sparking a Brooklyn murder.

And then it’s Queens turn.

Balding creeper busted …Wilson Kenney, 33, of Springfield Gardens was sitting on a bench at the Forest City Park Pool facility in Wantagh on Sunday around 4:50 p.m. when he began to rub his groin area and exposed himself to the 17-year-old lifeguard, cops said.

Wilson has aged a bit since Just One of the Guys, but I am still a fan.

Back then Wilson was considered a poor man’s Phoebe Cates.

We did what we had to do.

A three woes in Brooklyn

Well well well.

Well well well well well-ity well well well.

Looks like a boring ol’ threesome got fatal in the People’s Republic of Park Slope

A threesome can mean many things to many people.

Presumably all was progressing nicely until a participant (guy with a girlfriend not present) decided to take pictures, thereby greatly agitating another participant (girl with a boyfriend not present).

The horny shutterbug died that night of baseball bats and stab wounds.


• “Double Team” traditionally uni-clam powered and outfitted for dual sauseetch intake.

• A Double Team is not as prestigious in hetero circles as the golden rung “Canoe Ride” (two girls, one guy).

• In most of Park Slope a Double Team is still more highly prized and sought out than the “Leftover Duck” (two guys & a girl who doesn’t show up).

Big loss: this is the face you make when your boyfriend gets murdered after deciding to film his 2-on-1 without asking his new friends first.

So here’s the rub: the angry chick contacted her boyfriend, who was not part of the threesome. And in order to get him going, she told him she was raped. Now her boyfriend is not only a confirmed cuck, but a prime murder suspect as well.

And the guy who (still) lives in Park Slope drove the 21 year old girl back home to Staten Island (don’t bet against her being a naughty Italian broad with daddy issues) and then came back to Park Slope to enact some late night revenge on the guy who SIMPLY JUST HAD to document the sexcapade.

That’s when: the victim decided to leave for reasons that were unclear, sources said.

Around that time, the victim’s girlfriend — who was uninvolved in the threesome — received an ominous Instagram message reading “your boyfriend f–ked up and will be taken care of,” sources said.

Gadzooks. That could’ve been me … if I was a marginally lucky yet moronic asshole.

Got to get to Silvia Caruso

It’s getting rough out there.

My back is broke. No scratch. My old lady is venomous, she makes me bad food on purpose. I don’t really shower any more. And just yesterday I was on the wrong end of a road rage incident with a man riding a Vespa.

But Silvia Caruso gives me strength; knowing she’s out there and just waiting for something better in this life.

With passage to the Amalfi Coast, I could save her.

I know how it would go down, too. A few drinks, then off for some privacy where I can leave a positano up her brown grotto.

Sarah Melia: Queen of fishing

Sarah Melia has so far successfully eluded Captain Stabbin’ on the high seas; meanwhile gamefish can’t elude Sarah.

Really don’t know much about Sarah, except her Instagram account is @SarahMelia305 … ‘305’ is Miami area code – she is taunting Captain Stabbin’, Florida’s ultimate butt pirate.

She is playful. Possibly a Wisconsin native.

Plus her ass checks out.

She has friends too.

Sarah comes from a long line of good stock.

Her ass still checks out.

All I know about her is @sarahmelia305 … would like to know more.

High seas culo.

When a bully boards the boat.