The full McDougal

Karen McDougal is in the news for relations with President Trump. She was a Playboy Playmate in 1998, widely regarded as a good year for hot naked women – certainly on par with ’97 & ’99. True halcyon days.

Being a Playmate is just dandy but we issue no waivers here.

TDT’s Committee of Standards, as rigorous and fussy as ever, needed to ensure that indeed the ass checks out…

So be it.

As a small-town girl in Sawyer, Michigan, Karen McDougal was a tomboy until a late-teens growth spurt turned her into a beauty queen.

This Karen McDougal. She has a unique way of catching crabs.

Unfortunately Google Image Search can’t read minds.

Apparently there’s more than one nude Karen McDougal out there…

RIP, Oliva Nova: Crammed a lifetime of D in her 20 short years

Sad to announce the passing of two-time All-Jergens porn star, Olivia Nova.

Directors respected her for being upfront about her stats and her wont’s.

Christmas can a lonely time for porn stars – because, let’s be frank, porn stars and family gatherings don’t mix – particularly at their own.

Wishing I reached out to her over Christmas. The lonely always send nudes.

Really dropped the ball on that.

Ever the professional, she looked good – but older than 20. More like 30. The D will age a gal.

Even though I never heard of her, I will miss Olivia now that she’s gone because she was hot.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Olivia, and take this final farewell report.

Bleach that sauseetch

Brace yourself because we’re about to go deeper than a visit to Dr. Melfi’s couch.

My Sicilian grandma left me with more than fond memories of her pasta fazoo; I trace it directly to her lineage that duskied mi dong. It’s like she’s winking at me every time I catch a glimpse of my swarthy and humble hawg.

But there’s great news. Believe it or not, I can recolor my meat wand to a fine pinkish hue; a cheerful blush that at once women crave and men admire.

Celebrity endorsed.

Can’t wait to show the porterhouse.

TDT Newsdesk: Breaking … RIP, Shyla Stylez

Highly prized clam takes a final report.

Take it away, anchorman…

Shyla’s vital stats…

• Shyla appeared in her first film Slap Happy in 2000 at the age of 19.

• Nominated at the 2009 XRCO Awards for the Best Cumback.

• Shyla Stylez was inducted into the Hall of Fame of the Urban X Awards in 2011.

No star shines brighter than a drug dealer at an Urban X Awards after party.

Shyla had big cans.

The cumback is over.