TDT Newsdesk: Breaking … RIP, Shyla Stylez

Highly prized clam takes a final report.

Take it away, anchorman…

Shyla’s vital stats…

• Shyla appeared in her first film Slap Happy in 2000 at the age of 19.

• Nominated at the 2009 XRCO Awards for the Best Cumback.

• Shyla Stylez was inducted into the Hall of Fame of the Urban X Awards in 2011.

No star shines brighter than a drug dealer at an Urban X Awards after party.

Shyla had big cans.

The cumback is over.

We’re all just a glitch away

This Luke Moore guy could teach us all a thing or two about life.

A debt-ridden student blew $1.3 million on sports cars, speed boats, strippers and cocaine after a bank error gave him an unlimited overdraft. Luke Moore lived the high life for two years before he was caught by cops and jailed on fraud charges.

The Australian treated himself to luxury holidays, an Aston Martin, a Maserati and a boat while living the ultimate bachelor lifestyle.

He is now broke and living with his mother in Goulburn, New South Wales, ironically while studying to become a criminal lawyer.

This isn’t to say Mr. Moore didn’t come away from this experience a wiser man.

…he told the Daily Telegraph he did not miss his lavish multimillionaire lifestyle “besides the cocaine, the strippers and fast cars.

I certainly wouldn’t either.

Cheers to Mr. Moore.

We will show them

Russian chick is putting dirty men on notice – stop the harrassment.

Make sure it checks out, but stop the harassment. Apparently her movement is spreading.

Hopefully Kevin Spacey is paying attention – that drunken homo got unga bunga off me. Thought I was gonna get a big part but all I got was AIDS. Frank Underpants he called himself. Jerk.

Missing Hef more than ever

TDT remains an old-fashioned institution. Consider this a pre-emptive auto-rejection.

There will be no review of Mr. November’s backside, for there is nothing to verify here. There will be no consideration for Miss TDT status, no invite to the Christmas party.

Note: I said nothing about the afterparty. I am told Mr. November and Weinstein have both RSVP’d. Typically we discard our party slacks and socialize in our briefs. That’s about all I am at liberty to say right now.