Scenes from a Houston Burger King

Honestly, white men have a far better shot at making it in the NBA than they do muscling their way into the fast food meltdown scene.

But if you must then gotta earn your stripes. Start humble – cause a ruckus at a farmer’s market, fling organic honey at hippie chicks with a near zero chance at getting taken out by rogue D’Brickashaw.

Earn your stripes trashing the Whole Foods salad bar before you descend down the ladder to Cracker Barrel, Taco Bell, and White Castle.

Once you start slapping cashiers at BK & McDonald’s you’re in the big leagues.

And only maybe then, if you haven’t tapped out yet, might you be ready to scrap in an IHOP.

Be careful.

Sissy scrap

I wish I could tell you that D’Brickashaw fought the good fight, and that the Soul Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that – but the DC Gay Pride Parade is no fairy-tale world.